Forever In Elasticated Leggings

Neil Diamond once sang about being forever in blue jeans. After having four children I am now starting to think that I may forever be in elasticated leggings…

It’s hard to believe now that there was a time (a much slimmer time) when I was a woman who wore tight trousers and skinny jeans, which I always finished off with a pair of slinky heels. I wore them with pride, I wore them with confidence. And most importantly, I wore them without falling over.

 

Those size ten trousers and slinky heels are still in my wardrobe only now they are pushed to the very back, out of sight and gathering dust. Merely keepsakes of a girl who used to have runner’s legs and a slimmer waist. They probably should have been donated to a charity shop long ago because let’s face it – will I ever wear them again? (those hips don’t lie). But for whatever reason I just can’t bear to part with them. Sometimes when I am in my wardrobe searching for something baggy, I will stop to have a look at them and then, for a moment or two, remember the person that I used to be…

Fast forward to ten years later and what you see is a very different girl.

This girl lives every day in leggings and baggy jumpers. She hasn’t worn a dress in years or for that matter, anything that ‘clings’. Her entire wardrobe is now defined by comfort and camouflage.

So what happened?

Well to put it simply, four children happened. And children can leave you with a very different body than the one you started out with. My hips widened, I went up a bra size and my once flat-as-a-pancake abdominals turned soft and wobbled like jelly when you touched them. And there was no time anymore. Every minute of every day was spent on my children. They consumed my every waking thought (and often my sleeping ones). And I was tired – so, so tired. These little munchkins were using up every last ounce of energy I had on a daily basis.

Looking good again was always going to be a challenge.

But there was still hope because even after having two children I felt like maybe someday I could get a handle on the whole thing again. Almost a year after having my second daughter I started meeting up with my sister two evenings a week to go for a run and it felt amazing. There was a shift in the atmosphere. Something was happening. I was back in my shorts and t-shirt again and hitting the road to cover a few miles. There was a chance, just a chance that those skinny jeans might wrap their way around my hips once more…

Then the following year I became pregnant with twins and that was the end of my endeavors to ever look good again.

 Game over

After the twins arrived my hips had widened even more, I had gone up another bra size and my stomach now looked like a blancmange. Tiredness turned to complete exhaustion and any motivation that still remained to look good or feel good simply faded away. There was no time or energy anymore. There wasn’t even time to think. There was only time for them. I got into a routine of getting up every morning and grabbing the first thing that I could see. At this stage I had assembled a little pile of leggings so it was always a pair of leggings, a t-shirt (in warmer weather) or a jumper in colder, socks, runners and away I go, ready to face another manic day. Mirror? What are mirrors? Sorry, no time for those anymore. There are now four children under the age of six to take care of. It doesn’t matter what I look like anymore.

Beginning To Breathe Again

It stayed like that for quite a while. The routine of kids, kids, kids and no me, me, me ploughed on without interruption. I continued to get up every day solely to function for them and they in turn continued to get bigger and stronger. Until we reach the present day and now my baby twins are three and flourishing. My other daughters are six and nine and also thriving, incredible girls. And I can finally, finally feel myself starting to breathe again. And think again. There is now a little time and energy that was never there before. I’ve even started looking in the mirror again. I don’t always like what I see but I’m looking. The leggings are still going on every day (I’m sticking with Neil Diamond on this for now), but it is the slight beginnings of a return to me.

And you have to start somewhere don’t you?